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Ben Affleck Gives an Interpretive Dance Performance Embodying 2020 on His Donut Run

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Ben Affleck. Haggard of face, doughy of body. On a recent jaunt to Dunkin Donuts, he gave a miraculously beautiful choreographed performance that embodies everything about 2020.

He commences his routine with his beloved donuts perfectly balanced. Just as we began the year 2020, everything seems to be aligned, all is right with the world. He demonstrates the predictability of everyday life and the inevitability that he will soon enjoy the fruits of his labors (the donuts), just as we all expected to enjoy the fruits of our 2020.

However, his planned waltz soon goes awry!

Unexpectedly, disastrously, he finds that he must put everything down with a sudden halt! He did not predict that he would find himself at such a standstill. Yet, to proceed, he has no option but to set things down immediately.


Notice the balletic posture of his arms, as lithe and beautiful as a trained ballerino.

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Soon, though, he tries to scoop things back up! He believes that he will soon have everything back in balance, and perfectly so. And yet, he soon discovers that he simply cannot proceed as planned and must try again. This exemplifies our belief in the early summer time that life would go on as expected, yet we had hardly planned for the major disruption that would require us to set our lives aside entirely.

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He recovers his precarious grasp on his beloved donuts, with a look of angst on his tormented face. This stage in his performance is meant to signify the way in which the world learned how to carry on in the face of upheaval, regaining our tenuous grasp on the myriad operations of life during quarantine.

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At last! Finally! Hallelujah! With his hard-won fruits of his labor in hand, he makes his escape into his mansion door.

He clutches his beloved sugar pastries to his bosom, his hands around the donut container as godlike as that of the divine creator's in Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel.

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And so we, like he, grab tightly to the bounties of life's miracles, clutching them tightly yet shuffling headlong into the unknown yet promising mansion that is the year 2021. Will we, like Ben Affleck, get to bite into the fatty reward of a delicious new year? Only life can tell. Only life can tell.


from Oh No They Didn't!


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